Vipassana experience

It happened very randomly and I did not plan it.

I met a guy from the USA in the hostel where I was staying in Japan and he told me about his experience with Vipassana in South Korea. I had some thoughts about Vipassana in the past, but I knew it has to be a very hard process. South Korea was on my list and I said to myself, maybe it is the right time to do it there.

Before I get to my experience, I would like to tell you what Vipassana actually is and what rules you have to follow during a ten day residential program.

Vipassana is a meditation practice, which was created by Buddha Siddhartha Gautama 2,000 years ago. It is supposed to help people to enlightenment. This meditation practice gives full concentration to bodily sensations and to breathing.

Rules of Vipassana meditation –

There are certain rules to adhere to when practicing Vipassana meditation.

1. You have to meditate from early morning until late at night.

2. You have to meditate in silence for 10 days.

3. You are not allowed to have your phone, laptops, music, books or even a pen and paper.

4. You are not permitted to make any verbal or non-verbal contact with the other students (including eye contact).

5. You can't use another meditation practice and must follow very strictly what you are told.

6. You are to follow a vegan diet and agree not to have dinner.

7. During 10 day process, genders will be separated.

So, as you can see, the rules are quite difficult and it is not easy at all. But I told myself, I want to be free, I want to feel liberation. I was curious about the whole experience. I wrote a last minute email to the Vipassana centre and got an answer saying that they will probably not have space. I was ok with the answer, maybe it was not the right time or maybe it is not meant to be for me.

But three days before the course I got an email telling me that there was one free space if I want to join the course. I answered yes, but at the same time some deep fear came out. I think it was part of the process. But the pain was so strong. I was scared, wondering what was going to happen or if I was going to go crazy there.

My mind already started to work, my EGO was afraid and projecting all sorts of horrifying stories in my thoughts, and how it would be during the process and afterwards. I tried to escape fear, but the fear was not stoppable. The inner detox started.

I planned my trip and worked out how to get to the Vipassana centre. Even if it was very far, I would still manage to get there. As it happened, on the bus I met a few people who were going to the same place. They all felt a bit scared too and we had felt similar feelings about the experience.

The centre was located in the mountains, in isolation and surrounded by big fences. They said, now you are like in the prison and it really felt like this. The decorations were very basic and all the buildings were white, inside and outside, with nothing to distract you. I was there with another fifty students. I had to give all my stuff away and sign a paper, confirming that I agreed to be there. I was given a small room with a bed, some pillows and blankets. I thought to myself “What a luxury” as I had imagined the place to be without a bed or a dormitory.

After 6pm the silence started and also the separation.

During the first evening, we started straight away with the meditation. We had to sit in the leg crossed position for 1 hour in total silence. I realized how inflexible I am and my legs were in pain. I asked myself, “How will I ever manage another ten days of this?”. But somehow the previous pain and fear, which I had before the starting the course disappeared. I knew it was all just the mind. And the realization, how the mind creates all the suffering became clearer.

The first few days were surprisingly easy, except the sitting. Being free from outside distractions and being just with yourself is very helpful. It allows you to go much deeper and see what is inside you. We listened every evening to a video tape of Mr. Geonka, who brought meditation to the public. Sometimes we would listen to his chanting from the tape as well. He was definitely not a good singer, so it evoked something inside me. But I decided to concentrate on the process instead of him.

The food, which was delicious and tea breaks made my days go better. And I felt very relaxed. All the simplicity made me feel good. During meditation, we concentrated on the breathing and the sensations, and we could see how we are actually manipulated by our sensations. We all crave just good sensations. And when the bad sensations come we try to run away. Some people run away with alcohol, with drugs or sex. Some people run away with other people and some people even with meditation and spirituality.

But no one wants to face the reality. No one wants to be with the uncomfortable sensations. And we all run away from the outside world. But they are part of life, just like waves, they come and go. We should not suppress or avoid them. And put them to our subconscious. I will not lie, sometimes, I found myself wanting to escape the place and get back my freedom. But the desire to stay and relax was stronger.

The sixth day of the course was important for me. I do not know if it was a sign, but I got to stay in room number 6 and since I knew a bit about numerology, I was sure that the sixth day would be significant for me. And it was true, on the sixth day I went very deep inside myself and I could see how the all negativity is created by our minds. I could see that sometimes we all crave for attention because we misunderstood that the love comes from outside and I could see the power of the words and what misery we create by our EGOs. As I went so deep, I got sick. I touched something, which was not healed inside me. I felt no energy and big pain around the whole body. And for the first time I broke the rules to not do any other meditation practice. I sent the love to my body and prayed for recovery. From previous experiences, I knew we all have power to heal ourselves. And as I sent lots of love to myself, I got better. It really is unbelievable what power we own and we are not even aware of it.

By the sixth day I was also raising questions. The course and videos were presented very well, but I did not understand why we had to listen just to Geongka teachings from a tape while assistants and teachers are just sitting there. And although the videos were created with nice speech, some non-verbal speech was telling me that Geongka is just enjoying himself and maybe he is also Egoistic. Also, all the course was based on the mind morality, but I was missing self-love. I agreed with most of the teachings as it was very similar to what I already do (sacrificing yourselves for others, helping people, sharing the love). But this generosity with ourselves. It was not there for me. It was also connected more to the mind than the heart.

All these thoughts and questions were building up and on the 10th day, after the last Geonka chant, I decided to finish the course, half a day before the official ending. I decided to finish early because I could not stand the Geongka chanting and that it all seemed based on him and not the mind anymore. Some of you might that because I had stayed for 10 days, then I could have easily waited one more day to finish the course. But I said to myself, even for just one minute, if I am not listening to my heart, it would be wasted time for me and I would be betraying myself.

The teachers allowed me to leave, and I picked up my cell phone and personal belongings and faced reality again. During my first few days back in reality, it was actually quite a shock to speak again. From the Vipassana centre, I went to a busy town and saw all the consumption and how people run from themselves. I could see how much misery we are creating by ourselves. It was very difficult for me to reconnect back to the balance. But the whole Vipassana centre experience was definitely worth it.

So, what did I gain from the Vipassana centre experience? After a few weeks I was able to think more clearly about what the experience gave me.

Vipassana gave me the option to go deep inside myself and realize how much negativity we create in our minds and that most of the negativity is created and connected to the self. I realized that on the way to liberation we have to vanish the Egoistic self. I realize that there is nowhere to run from our fears, and when bad sensations come, we have to face them and accept them. I realized that everything in life passes whether they are good or bad sensations. They come and go. We should not crave for the good ones and reject the bad ones. We have to accept the reality as it is and not make projections and imaginations.

I also realized that words are a very strong tool. We should use them less and when we do use them, use them wisely making sure that they will not be misunderstood. When negative feelings come, we have to be careful not spread more negativity outside, so we do not harm others by our feelings.

In the opposite way, it strengthened my opinion that self-love is very important and once we really love ourselves, we can love others too. We should be gentler and more caring with ourselves. Our hearts are for me the source of all love, and real morality and purification comes from the heart not from the mind. Because the morality created in the mind will produce tensions. But morality followed from the heart will spread more love.

So, I would definitely recommend Vipassana to anyone who wishes to go deeper and realize about themselves. But please, once you go through the process, do not sell your soul to be a part of the community.

Yes, it’s true of course that the community feels safer and maybe gives you some outside love (which is only temporary anyway). But, remember, always try to stay true to who you are and find your own truth. Don't betray yourself because you want to be a part of the group.

As true as it is that your own experiences can change your life, it is equally true that your own truth can bring you closer to enlightenment.